Laws of Golf

Oct 29, 2007 @ 09:17 pm by Nigel Da Costa
 

Thanks to Jason S from Florida for this email…a lot of these hit home!

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LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have inner peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. (This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.)

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. (Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.)

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 9: Sand is alive. It will swallow your balls.

LAW 10: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.

LAW 11: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. (Your Mother in Law, does not come close.)

LAW 12: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See LAW`3).

LAW 13: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 14: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 15: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 16: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 17: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the suns sets.

LAW 18: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 19: When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you should have continued watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

LAW 20: The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about your swing.

LAW 21: If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 22: Golfers who claim they don’t cheat, also lie.

LAW 23: A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.

LAW 24: It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

LAW 25: Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 26: Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 27: It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.

LAW 28: The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 29: You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

LAW 30: Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 31: If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 32: There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW 33: Hazards attract; fairways repel.

LAW 34: You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.

LAW 35: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW 36: Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.



Golf Courses Re-open as Fires Spread

Oct 28, 2007 @ 09:22 pm by Michael Shandrick

Despite the calamity going on in San Diego County, golf courses are getting calls from golfers to see if courses are open.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-golf25oct25,0,7893009.story?coll=la-home-center

San Diego Fires Brush Past Fairways

Numerous golf courses throughout San Diego County have closed their fairways out of concern for golfers’ well being. Aside from the courses that face potential physical damage from the flames, several county courses have closed due to poor air quality and a lack of staff.

Naturally, all courses located within mandatory evacuation areas are closed. They include Rancho Carlsbad GC, Ocean Hills CC, Shadowridge GC, Aviara GC, La Costa Resort and Spa, Encinitas Ranch GC, Crosby National, Santaluz GC, Rancho Santa Fe Farms GC, Morgan Run GC, Lomas Santa Fe GC, San Vincente GC, Mt. Woodson CC, Twin Oaks GC, Escondido CC, Lake San Marcos CC, El Camino CC, Bridges at Rancho Santa Fe, Rancho Bernardo Inn GC, Vineyard at Escondido GC, Maderas GC, Stoneridge CC, Del Mar GC, Fairbanks Ranch GC, Carmel Mt. Ranch GC, Barona Creek GC, Rancho San Diego GC, Steele Canyon GC and Auld GC.

As of today the following courses remained open: Tecolote Canyon GC, Adm. Baker GC and Cottonwood GC. Adm. Baker GC reported seeing heavy smoke but determined the course to be safe and at Cottonwood, fire could be seen on Mt. San Miguel ridge. The flames changed direction though and business continued as usual.

On a lighter note, Riverwalk GC was extremely busy with golfers today. They remained open and some of the Qualcomm evacuees opted to play a round of golf to take their minds off of the tremendous devastation. Riverwalk offered twilight rates to the evacuees.

The Harris fire surrounded the course and burnt up the edges of the green fairways. Salt Creek Golf Course and the structures on site went unscathed and the course returned to normal operation today. But yesterday was anything but normal.

Salt Creek opened its clubhouse and driving range to the firefighters battling the relentless flames. The course clubhouse provided food and water to the weary firefighters and the driving range, normally littered with little white balls, was covered with firefighters catching naps on their much-too-short, 20-minute breaks. The firefighters used the makeshift command post at Salt Creek until 10 p.m.

Although the details have not been finalized, Salt Creek plans to offer firefighters free rounds of golf next month.

San Diego natives and professional golfers Phil Mickelson and Chris Riley dodged a bullet in the form of fire. Riley lives on the coast and his home is currently not within an evacuation zone. Mickelson, who returned from New Jersey, was forced to evacuate his family from their Rancho Santa Fe home.

Mickelson’s public relations representative T.R. Reinman said the golfer’s property suffered minor damages but the structure itself was left relatively untouched by the Witch Creek Fire. Two of his neighbors were not as fortunate as their homes were completely destroyed. An adjacent neighborhood was completely destroyed as well. As of now, Mickelson and his family are staying at their second home near the coast. Mickelson still intends to travel to Southeast Asia in two weeks to compete in a tournament.

Report from San Diego Golf News - http://www.xksandiego.com/cms/newsletter.php?newsletter=Golf&area=display_record&arid=1446



Hole-in-one Cheater?

Oct 20, 2007 @ 11:37 pm by Nigel Da Costa

Jacqueline Gagne is one hell of a golfer…if you believe her.  Gagne claims to have 16 hole-in-ones in 6 months, a great feat to say the least.  She has been featured in numerous television shows, print and online including Gold Digest, UA Today and the Wall Street Journal but this amazing story has now started to cause more than a few people to doubt her story. 

Dave Kindred of Golf Digest decided to look a little deeper and his findings make it more than hard not to doubt her story.

She’s practically a neophyte, new to the game five years ago, and now at age 47 has reported more holes-in-one in six months than most PGA Tour players make in a career. By one count, she did the 16 in 118 rounds this year. That comes to a hole-in-one once every 30 swings on par 3s, a rate of success that causes Dean Knuth, creator of the U.S. Golf Association’s Slope Rating System and a Golf Digest contributor, to blurt this assessment: “That’s impossible.” David Boyum is a math guy with a Harvard Ph.D. and co-author of What the Numbers Say. He puts the odds of Gagne’s feat at “1 in 2,253,649,101,066,840, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000.”

People cheat at golf all the time but this is crazy.  The story is outstanding and can be found here.



Fall Golf

Oct 07, 2007 @ 07:11 pm by Nigel Da Costa

It is now October and the golf season on Ontario is coming to an end.  This is a terrible time of year for me.

Not only is the season ending but golf becomes less enjoyable on many levels.  It begins getting darker earlier so it becomes much harder to squeeze in an afternoon round after work.  The sun rises later and there is a slight frost on the ground which hurts if you enjoy the very early rounds as I often do.  What about the lovely leaves?  Nothing I hate more than trying to find your ball in the fallen leaves…or what about trying to putt on a green littered with fallen leaves?  Finally…it will soon be just to damn cold to play!

Time to start looking for the winter trip!



Uprooting the Duffers

Oct 02, 2007 @ 01:27 pm by Michael Shandrick

I hope Musqueam and government negotiators discussing the future of the University Golf Club keep in mind that it’s not just a golf course but also a cemetery. During its 78 years of existence, an uncounted number of former players have had their ashes spread on the course with the reasonable expectation that it would remain a golf course available to all British Columbians in perpetuity.
– Horace Harrison, Vancouver. Letter to the editor, Vancouver Sun, September 19, 2007.
 

There is more going on than just a battle over land between elderly white golfers and the Musqueam band, which is due to take over the course in 2033. Similarly, the band will take control of the Shaughnessy Golf and Country Club in 2032. The band already hosts the Musqueam Golf Club on its land.
 

At issue is the prime real estate the golf courses sit on. These properties could net substantially far more to the eventual owners than profits from running a golf course ever would. What is causing concern is that Gordon Campbell’s Liberals are holding secret negotiations between land developers and the University of British Columbia, which is already selling off its real estate on the University Endowment Lands to developers building executive mansions and luxury condos – reason enough to believe UBC is building a city on what is now Crown Land. The Musqueam, not always included in these discussions, have shown they are prepared to go to court to make sure their interests are taken to heart about land they are actually entitled to.
 

The problem for the public is one of transparency. Without a public process there is only rancor, feeding a thinly veiled racist narrative about casinos, trailer parks and greed.  The less the public understands the consequences in these negotiations, the less the public has access to the common good, which includes information they need in order to vote.
 

The secrecy around these negotiations has left a sour taste in the mouths of many golfers and non-golfers alike, few of whom have a voice in how the public can be involved.
 

Maybe those ghosts of bygone duffers at the University Golfing Cemetery have something to say about all this.